Dateless on New Year’s Eve

New Years Day, 2008.  A time for new resolutions and initiatives, and what better time for me to start chronicling my stories from the trenches of dating, relationships, and whatever else seems appropriate.

So naturally, this post starts in the waning hours of 2007.  I was dateless on New Years Eve, again.  Hit up my friend’s nearby house party, but after pre-gaming at my place with some friends, and rolling in close to 11:30, I knew I had messed up.

Single-women wise, there was my friend’s hot friend visiting from out of town.  Dancing in a circle and seemingly taken by someone who probably got there at 10:45.  There was the girl my friends claimed was making eyes at me, but she was also crashing into walls.  Luckily, her falling down state and a bout of shyness kept me from even trying to flirt.  It wasn’t until she tripped on the dance floor, I caught her, and she thanked me by name that I realized we knew each other and she was an out-of-town housemate’s girlfriend.  Thank you, Shyness, for keeping me from earning the Creep of the Year before the year even started.

Most of the other girls in the room were looking for girls themselves.

Lo and behold, at 11:57, my friend alerted me to the fact that the girl he was talking to was totally ready to make out with me.  Like she literally picked me out from across the room, and asked my friend who was hitting on her if he thought I’d make out with her.  Yeah I will, short girl in the shorter dress that she said she wore when she was 10!  But when I asked if she wanted to watch the Times Square countdown from my shoulders since she was too little to see the TV, she told me I was creepy and gave me a cold shoulder.  Instantaneously!  As the ball struck down, I sheepishly exchanged cheek kisses with the circle I was standing with.  Short girl gave me a limp handshake.

What the fuck, I asked my friend?  Are you full of shit?  No.  She even explained herself to him.  She likes Paul Bunyan types, and my height and beard initially qualified me.  But she thought I was too girly.  Girly?!  My friend scoffed at the notion, which held my ego up at least a little bit.  If you’re looking for a smooch, and singled me out in a crowded room, and you write me off for that opening line, I don’t want to kiss you anyway.

Tip for next year: finding a New Years kiss is not like ordering a pizza from Dominos.  Allow yourself more than 30 minutes.